tumblr

im gonna use tumblr from now on so i probly wont post here very often or again. the link is www.roshaxbasho.tumblr.com

tumblr

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/memoriesofbasho

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/memoriesofbasho

i dont even care what happens this week. i just want spring break to be here so i can be with some of my closest friends.

do you know how it feels to wake up in the morning and know exactly what you want to do, but also no that its impossible? i do. every morning i think about that when i wake up.i cant achieve my dreams without my parents' support. sometimes i wonder why even try. there isnt a point. tyrants dont deserve to rule. neither do madmen.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/memoriesofbasho

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/memoriesofbasho

so apparently my mom can somehow tell if im oon facebook or aim or blogger or formspring or anything other than school related sites. so she says im not allowed to associate with my friends online. and im already not allowed to associate with them in person for the most part. she is a tyrant and someday that people will rise up and overthrow her. tyrants dont deserve to rule. neither do madmen. and she is both.

fist of justice

thats what i wish i had. if i could have a fist that could fix every injustice, id be so happy. this world isnt fair. and im fine with that most of the time. but sometimes im not. im NOT fine with how love can be stolen and shattered. im NOT ok with people using other people to achieve a certain end. im NOT ok with my best friend on this planet being depressed when he's the best friend i could ask for. im NOT ok with the fact that my training doesnt pay off. im NOT ok with the drugs and alchohol related crimes that go on in my school. im NOT ok with how my mom ruins my day every time i have a good day before i see her. and im NOT ok with how my mom shattered my hopes and dreams. the list could go on forever. not only could it, it does. sometimes, u learn something about someone and you want to pummel them. jeff, you're probly not reading this but if you are, then know that you are one of those people to me. you tried to rape someone who i used to care about with all my heart. some of my friends say that you're just oblivious and dont know whats right and wrong. i think thats BULLSHIT. you can tell right and wrong. of that i am sure. what separates us from animals? is it emotion? no, animals feel too. is it our bodies? no, if anything, animals have better bodies than we do. so what is it? morality. a conscience. the ability to tell right from wrong and to act on it accordingly. without that, we are nought but dumb animals that walk on two legs. in my eyes, you are exactly that. i usually dont post things here about people i like in case they read it and they get freaked out. this time, i dont really care. theres a girl. a girl i used to like a lot. i still like her, but shes with someone. now that someone tried very hard to get her and was eventually successful, but i still cant shake that feeling that she made a mistake and she shouldve chosen me. but i was too pussy to tell her how i felt so i didnt even give her the choice. i found out that someone tried to rape her. the way she said it implied that the person who tried to rape her was the person she chose over me. i felt a moment of vicious, savage joy, knowing that i was right. then, i felt shock. im not as close to this girl as i would like to be. but im glad she opened up to me, even if it was just a little. then, i felt a rage. how DARE he do this to her. i didnt contest it when he tried so hard to get her because i thought in my heart that he could and would take care of her. instead, he violated her. she became depressed and tried to kill herself. the rage i felt at that. my fist, filled with justice or hatred, i really couldnt care less which one, wanted to lash out at him. but i wont. because like always, i have to be the bigger person. this shit is getting annoying. to the girl, if you're reading this and you found out that i like you and you're freaked out, im sorry. thats all i can really say. and to jeff, i was on the verge of forgiving you. but after i learned about what you did, it aint happening. dont try anything funny on me. i may be a small guy, but i can do some damage. ive given you a second chance by letting us not be enemies. if you try anything on me, there wont be a third.

another wiz rehearsal. fun times. i had a small conversation with one of my friends afterwards. i hadnt talked to them for a while so it was nice. they opened up to me a little bit too. they probly open up to a lot of ppl like that too, but it makes me feel good when ppl open up to me. i wish i could help them. ive gone through almost the exact same thing that they have, but i dont know her that well so she probly wont come to me for help. i found out a few things today that really changed my view of people. i hated jeff for a long time. favor, not mohan. he cheated me of my happiness and love. i wanted to pummel him. however, recently, ive been almost ready to forgive him. tonite, i learned that he tried to rape someone. someone i used to love. i dont love them anymore, but still, something like that is disgusting. he ever tries that shit with anyone i care about, ill demolish him. i also found out something else very, disturbing. something that i dont want to share right now. if u really want to know then ask me about it. but i am angry. i want revenge and retribution. life isnt fair. justice doesnt exist. happiness is but a fleeting thing, as fickle as the tide. the reason i train, and the reason i do martial arts it to make life more fair. to distribute justice where i deem it to b neccessary. and i will distribute justice soon.

hiatus

my mom broke my laptop so it'll b awhile before i post anything on this. i dont know what im going to do to vent now :/

my mom is mentally unstable and most likely insane. she doesnt want me to socialize with friends via facebook, or txts, or phone calls, or hanging out. shes even against me having a blog and email. she is a tyrant, and she deserves to be hung.

i need a way to get out of the mess that im in. my future is dull. my parents are oppressing me and i need to find a way to break free of that oppression. if i dont, my future will be ruined forever.

band concert tonite. i fucked it up. well the chair thing wasnt my fault. but march militaire sounded shitty and i think that was partially my fault. also, my mom never said good job or anything. i actually suspect that she just came and picked me up and didnt go inside. things at home r tense. and things at school suck. my speech impediment is frustrating to say the least. i wish it was another obstacle i could just pound to the ground and beat. but i cant. im not depressed right now, but im pretty down. i hope my depression isnt coming back. i was feeling my worst today, when my phone vibrated. it was my hyung, kenny, and he sent me a txt asking if i was alrite. i find that amazing as he had no way of knowing wat was going on with me. hes in san diego and i havent told anyone he talks to. i was at the point where i was about to give up and just dgaf the rest of junior yr and i wouldnt get a car in the summer but watevs. but that txt pushed me from that and im gonna try. even if i fail. and i probly will. but he would want me to give it my all. my best friend sent me a txt apologizing for being a shitty friend. if hes reading this, let me say this. you are an awesome friend mike. you have helped me through so much, from 4th grade till now. we might not hang as much and we might not see each other too often, but you are my best friend. i consider you, torin, jed, jon, wayne, and our little group as brothers, closer than my real family and if u need to talk, im all ears. dont hesitate. im gonna go eat now. peace guys.

one-x

as i was going for my run tonight, the song one-x by three days grace came on shuffle. i had actually never heard it before and i found i could really relate to its lyrics. a lot of three days grace lyrics relate to me. one-x is about how you feel alone and theres no one like you, but there are plenty of people. and it ends in a major key but starts in a minor key so it goes from emo to hopeful. animal i have become is one of my anger songs that i play when im mad and i punch my bag or something. when i get truly angry, im like an animal. no control, no logic, just rage. its amazing how music can totally change someones mood. also, im supes sore from my run. mostly cuz i did like 150 squats down the soccer field. ima be sore tomorrow. sigh...

lost

i dont even know where im going. i feel like im lost. im trying to keep the basho, but its hard when im so out of shape and rusty. im a failure and a disappointment to those close to me. my best is nowhere near good enough.

its been a while since i posted here. mainly because of all the shit thats goin on with my life these day. my mom has gone insane. she took away my piano lessons and my math tutor because of my low grades, especially in math. now how can i do better without my friggin tutor? i cant. shes being counterproductive. and the path of universities based on grades r closed for me and now shes cutting off my option for a conservatory too. shes ruining my future. and my best friend seems to be drifting farther and farther from me. its like he doesnt wanna hang out anymore. idk. fuck my life.