i hate my parents. i dont care what God's scripture says about honoring them. parents, by definition, are people who are supposed to nurture you, care for you, and support you. my "parents" definitely do not fit these standards. After gospel camp, i was really trying to become a better christian. countless times i held back words of anger, depressing thoughts, and actions stemming from anger. now thanks to my parents, my efforts are in vain. today, i uttured some very hateful and angry words, thought some very depressing thoughts, and my actions are beggining to look more and more like the old, violent, reckless me. my day was decent. i got through all of my classes, i went to my piano place and practiced for 4 hours after school. the moment i got home, my mom started harassing me about my grades. i know that theyre bad. i think i know the MOST. shes saying that if i dont get my grades up by tomorrow, she'll take away my piano lessons and not support my career choice. which shows how wholeheartedly shes supporting me now. she claims not to care about my grades anymore too, which is just a blatant lie. a REALLY blatant lie. so its pretty much this. since my grades are so bad, it'll b hard to get into a good college for any academic subject or based on my transcript. so that option is closed. and now, shes threatening to take away my dream, and probably my only other option for college. so shes demanding things of me but she is making the situation so that it's impossible for me to succeed. every time my sister acts up, she takes it out on me. she says im setting a bad example. thoreau wrote in his essay "civil disobedience" that if a government treats it people unjustly or that it contradicts itselfs by its own actions, then revolution is not bad. it is needed. i cant revolt though. until im an adult, i need their money, shelter, and food. not that im getting much else anyways. they're disinterested in me as a person. im just a thing. an it. while my sister is showered in love. i do not resent her for it either. its not her fault. its theirs. im their fuck up. their mistake. whatever. if i ever make it big, Ill thank my friends and other people, but i will disown my "parents". my mom hasnt listened to wat ive had to say for the past 7 yrs. she JUST let me finish was i was saying the other night. and she was angry at my views on most things. she says that my opinions are wrong. that in itself is wrong. u cant have a wrong opinion. and my dad? all he does is bring me down. the day of 8th grade promotion, all the other parents were cheering for their kids, and praising them, no matter how badly they had done in middle school. my parents yelled at me for being a failure and a piece of shit son. ill be surprised if they even show up to my high school graduation. so my mom was saying all this ridiculous drivel and it made me so mad. to the point of breaking. i didnt quite snap, but im close. i punched a wall for the first time in a year. not hard, not with the intention of breaking anything, but i did punch it. it might lead to more bruising which will make my dreams of being a pianist even harder to accomplish. them being such bitches about my schoolwork makes me want to not try just to make them angry and disappointed. they ruined my math course for my high school years. and my science course. right now, i should be in ap calc. but they took a vacation so i couldnt take geometry over the summer and then one thing led to another. and they made me take chem cp over the summer when if i had waited, i wouldve been in honors chem. and now i would be in chem ap. well probably, but at least i wouldve had a chance. my mom acts like all the family's problems are my fault and that im the cause of all the problems. fine. watever. so why doesnt she just give me away or put me up for adoption like shes threatened to do so many times? because it doesnt matter. because the problem isnt just me. its her. and dad. im just around to be a scapegoat. right now im like a magikarp, for all you pokemon nerds like me. i get slapped aroudn, im weak and ineffectual, no matter how hard i fight or try i always lose. but piss me off enough, give me enough time, and im become a fucking gyarados that will hydro pump and dragon the shit out of all the people who gave me shit. wat also pisses me off is that she sets a limit on how much fun i can have. without a good reason. for example, i used to b only able to go out of the house with friends for 2 hours. why? not because i had things to do. all my hmwk and chores were done. it was a saturday. i would be home for dinner. its because she didnt want me to have fun or to taste freedom. thats why when im outside, i go crazy. i finally have freedom. im too pissed off to type anymore for right now. but maybe ill post something later tonite if i calm down. knowing my temper though, i wont.