first day

my first day blogging. my goal for this blog is to just vent. write things here that bother me and just let them out. so lets start with today. i feel drained, discouraged, and frustrated. i have more emotions within me than those, but those are the primary ones. my body is breaking down. i fail to live up to my own expectations. i cant seem to overcome my inherent nature of laziness. frustrated at my lack of innate talent. worried about my panel test next month. i really want to go back to taekwondo. my mom wont pay for the tuition though. she says my grades are too low and i should have other priorities. shes partially right. but taekwondo gives me such joy. i was never really great at it, but last summer, i trained my ass off and i got stronger and faster. with my increase in skill also came an increase in happiness. but then school started >:-[ hopefully ill start muay thai with my friend bj soon. i have a lot of reasons for doing martial arts. the fun, the rush of the moment, the discipline it builds, and the sheer badass-ery. and i want to give my master a good fight someday. hes an asshole. but hes the closest thing to a brother/father figure ive ever had. someday hyung. someday. well, im off to eat dinner now. my moms a good cook but my dad asked her to make these chicken things that i hate. o well -__-